I think I am morally bankrupt
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
