Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
