I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
