he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize