I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
