i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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