Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
