Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
