remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
