why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
