went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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