Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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