On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
