if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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