Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
