True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
