I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
