Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
