yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
