everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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