this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
