I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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