how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
