You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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