grandma shit on top of the toilet
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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