She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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