White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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