Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
