Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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