Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
