If that was your dad, he is hot
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
