Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
