The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize