Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize