i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
