I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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