I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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