Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
