next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
