The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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