There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Found your dick twin last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
