drinking out of a sandbucket again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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