i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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