Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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