wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
