is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
