Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
