All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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