you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
