just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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