I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
