Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
