no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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