Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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