We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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