There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
