Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
