It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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