yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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