my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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