No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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