shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
