this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
