Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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