So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
