I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
